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I interviewed hundreds of thousands of people in my quest to find the strangest things to say to a stranger. According to my interviewees, these lines have actually been tried. In real life. God help us all.

1. My lips are skittles, want to taste the rainbow?

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OK, this is cute. Sometimes bizarre is charming. Extra points for making the subject salivate. Skittles are great.

2. Are you wearing space pants, because your butt is out of the world!

Might work at a Star Trek convention.

3. You’re even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend.

Might work at a Star Wars convention.

4. Are you from Nashville, because you’re the only Ten-I-see?

Might work at the Grand Ole Opry.

5. They say eyes are the windows to the soul, well-baby, yours are stained glass.

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Ahhh… works well on Catholic girls, I hear.

6. If you were on the McDonald’s menu, I’d name you the McBeautiful.

This one provokes my gag reflex.

7. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

This one was actually used on me. And no, it didn’t work out for the guy.

8. If you were my sister, incest would be cool.

I think he was trying to be funny. He wasn’t.

9. Baby, I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

OK, this one is cute, if you are hitting on someone who watches cartoons.

10. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.

OK, this one is cute, if you are hitting on someone who watches Sesame Street.

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11. My friend and I have a bet that you won’t take off your shirt in a public place.

This one might work in Hooters. Or it might get you punched.

12. You have nice teeth.

True story. It’s been said. Creepy. Creepy. Creepy.

13. Want to see my collection of Larry Bird baseball cards? [Or insert an odd object(s) no one wants to see.]

It’s 2009 and Larry Bird didn’t play baseball.

14. What are your plans tonight? Feel like a Bible study?

I hear this one works well in a bar.

15. I’m the one responsible for all those crop circles in England.

This one would totally work on me.