Kids shows tend to be annoying to everyone over the age of 10, usually because they’re all about teaching valuable life lessons you already knew. Also, because some as*?ole dresses up in a costume and talks in an obnoxious voice dancing around a group of children that may or may not be on Prozac, because they are just too damn happy. But, for the most part, they are completely harmless. However, there are bad apples in every bunch and we (through many hours of what some might “research”) have found what may be the most convoluted kids programs ever broadcast. No, it’s not Pufnstuf, though that may be the best kids show to view while dropping acid.

This particular show is called Tomorrow’s Pioneers. While the name sounds harmless enough, and the location looks kind of like PeeWee’s Playhouse, and hey look, Mickey Mouse! It’s a Palestinian show, so Mickey speaking Arabic makes sense. It was very thoughtful to include English subtitles. Hey, maybe this show isn’t so….wait, what did Mickey just say?

Yes, apparently Tomorrow’s Pioneers is broadcast by Al-Aqsa TV, which just happens to be controlled by Hamas. You know, that group of individuals that is trying to turn Israel back into Palestine by way of terrorist attacks? Mickey Mouse up there, that’s Farfour, and he’d like to “annihilate the Jews.” In one episode, he showed his young viewers how to use an AK-47. Yep, the whole show is just one big recruiting effort to encourage children to join the Jihad. And they get violent too. Just 3 months into the show, the Jews got to Farfour, and “martyred him.”

Several disturbing things to note here. One, Hamas is under the impression that all Jewish guys are from the Matrix. Two, in a kids show, they just beat a costumed mouse to death on camera for all the children to see. Then blamed it on the Jews. Not to worry, fans of the show, Farfour was soon replaced by Nahoul the bee. In addition to harboring a hatred to Jewish people, Nahoul also had a soft spot in his little bee heart for torturing animals.

What better way to tell children not to torture animals than showing a bee flinging (actual, live) cats around and throwing rocks at lions, then telling them if they do the same thing, a big man with a sword is going to chop their hands off? Holy shit, it’s like a mid-2000s Republican’s wet dream. Well, apparently playing a costumed character is a high risk job, because Nahoul didn’t last a year. He was replaced by Assoud the Rabbit, who revealed something disturbing about himself in his debut.

Isn’t cannibalism a violation of one of the Ten Commandmants? That might be the wrong religion, but regardless, Assoud not only advocates Jew Murder, but Jew Burger. This is where the plot thickens. The fictional Jews in this story are tired of putting up with Assoud’s bullshit, and bomb the TV station, mortally wounding him. This show has a higher mortality rate than Lost.

Again, the guy didn’t make it through a full year without being killed off. The current host, Nassur the brown bear, has bucked the trend, though we are beginning to realize it’s either the same guy in a different suit, or there is a rampant helium addiction problem in the Middle East.

The show has run for over three years, and it has spouted nothing but Anti-Semitic remarks and hate speech, essentially blaming the Jews for everything that’s wrong with the world today, and encouraging children to take up arms against the government and take back what’s rightfully theirs. Well, it’s a good thing that no TV shows in America spout this crazy rhetoric to children, am I right? Wait a second. If you replace the “Dirty Zionists” with “Evil Liberals and replace the photo negatives of the cast of Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse with a balding fat guy with a stick up his ass…

Son of a Bi*?h.